I cant believe I am fu#*ing blogging again. LOVE yourself you piece of Sh#*mmering light :)

No one will love you until you love yourself. No shit!

Now let's look into this.. WHY don't I love myself? WHY don't you love yourself?

Did the dude who packages the boxes, that smash on their face into earth, forget to add that little, "self love button" that goes in our brains?

Does the goddess of the multiverse, think it is best, if we learn to hate ourselves, before we have no choice but to LOVE ourselves fully?

Maybe.

We all know our societal brainwashing and washy woshy bullshit, play a huge part in our self hatred, and perhaps, at this point, looking at the reasons for the causes, will not lead us to the best ways of fixing the problem.

To fix this issue, of seeing ourselves as a worthless piece of flesh, we must look at logic, I think.

Is being this harsh on myself making me better?

Do I respond well to negative criticism?

Are these patterns I have been using my whole life helpful?

Would I speak to a good friend the way I talk to myself?

No.

We know this, and this is why we are here. So is it that we do not know how to LOVE ourselves? or does it feel more like, we never even knew we had to?

I don't recall my preschool teacher saying "the sun is yellow, the grass is green, you must love yourself or no one will"

I don't even remember my parents, or any adult, or anyone at all, sharing this precious knowledge with me, of how embracing yourself fully, would make everything easier, and better. Honestly, we never heard this, because no one told them either! And it is crazy to think we even need to be told, to love ourselves, but lately, it seems we all need a reminder.

I think it is important to keep in mind also, that we do not "NOT LOVE" ourselves, really, we despise ourselves, and that is worse. Feeling better yet? :)

I just want to make perfectly clear, that perhaps we have loved ourselves all along, and at some point, we decided, we would also hate ourselves actively. Yet, that hate, is a reflection of the dark passionate side of love. We cannot hate a thing, or someone, unless something really important is poking at our arteries somewhere.

So why do I hate myself? and why do you? or do you? or do we?

I think it is all fundamentally rooted in our creativity. If we do not make use of our creative life force powers in some way, we feel useless, unfulfilled, and not good enough, regardless of how much ca$h we make, or travel we do, or riddle me this into some other replacement action for avoiding becoming our truest self.

We are all creative beings, simply because, our humanoid factory bodies are designed to craft babies. Even if our sperm is not strong, or our eggs dried up too soon, our bodies still have this need to want to make sh*t happen. So how do we harness and harvest this life force?

Some of us splash words all over the damn place, or paint, or sound,

some of us do create tiny humans, in addition to the previously mentioned. Most of us though, try and fail, at fully blasting into the nonsensical unpredictability of what it would mean to live our most honest expression of ourselves. There is a perfectly good reason for this too, it is not that we are lazy, or stupid, we are just fu#*ing scared.

I think I will continue to try and fail throughout my life, and perhaps at times I will feel more inspired, contained and loved, by myself and the world, and other times, I will feel unsure, confused, and scared. The typical waves of life. The ever changing energetic flows of flowering into our essence (pun intended). I think the logical piece comes into our process.

Since I understood, or began to understand, that really LOVING myself means:

- Accepting my reactions,

- Letting go of wanting to change the past, people, or anything that we have no control over,

- Being aware of wanting to become a better person, and working towards such

I have acquired the ability to hate myself less. Woohoo!! (smiles with one twitchy eye in a very strange way).

So I really do think it comes down to logic.

I got tired of feeling horrible, no matter what I did to feel better.

I got tired of needing things and love from other people, and never feeling fulfilled.

I got tired of lying to myself, pretending I could be happy doing anything other than what actually makes me happy.

You know what makes you happy. It is not this huge crusade you need to micro-size yourself for, to go explore the depths of your personality. Walking barefoot makes me happy. Sitting in front of a computer for money does not. Simple.

I understand many things are complex, and all the wonderful artists said "making a complex idea simple is the difficult part, that is where the talent is" or some paraphrasable similarity.

So yes, of course, it will take some feeling, observing, but not as much as we let ourselves think, to excuse ourselves from taking action.

So how do we logically LOVE ourselves?

We accept our reactions.

When we feel terrible for screaming at someone, or acting in a certain way, we should sit there or stand there with that horrible disgusting emotion, pay attention to where it happens in our bodies (sadness for me is the front of my throat, anger is my lower jaw, excitement is my belly, etc) and once it passes, we decide to do something about it, so we do not feel the same way next time. We might try and fail 102 times, and make progress on 103. Some things will be easier, and will not take long at all to modify, and those smaller or easier wins, should motivate us to continue pushing for the others. The thing is, we never really sit with our emotions, we try to continue to run around and go to work and not cry on the subway, and then we suppress the feeling, and get to wherever we are going, mad and confused, and we do not even know why. if we take a minute to see the emotion through, we can get to the next location, with a bit more accurate information about what is going on internally. So if I identify I am feeling angry, and then I react less than politely to someone, and feel bad about it, I can go back to the fact that I felt angry, and it was probably connected to that, not to the actual person I lashed out at. Then I can go say I am sorry, and try to be more careful next time.

We let go of that need for controlling, or changing, things we cannot change.

Writing it down helps a lot. Here is a very personal bitter situation we often go through, a break up. If a person tells you, they choose to no longer share their lives with you, for whatever reason... sorry, but you will not change their mind. Even if we beg and make a fool of ourselves and they take us back, they did because they wanted to, not because our desperation worked. They would have taken us back sooner or later, or they would have not, or they do and then leave again, or ask us to leave again. (About 2 months ago, I was asked to leave a relationship I begged to get back into. It ended in the same exact way as the first time... fool me once.. mwahaha! damnit) We cannot "make" people do anything. Think about all the times someone tried to "make" you see or do something, you didn't, until you saw value in taking action yourself. We each have our lenses and filters of how we see the world. Sometimes you can borrow someone's prescriptions, but they do not fit perfectly. Sometimes, we can see eye to eye, but not feel heart to heart, while also seeing and hearing and tasting and imagining, and that is why humans are so interesting, because we all have such diverse ideas of how each detail comes into view.

We turn our awareness into action.

We make it a point to actually change. And we hold ourselves accountable. In a way, this is what life is all about. Learning lessons, falling, getting back up, the sooner we are straight forward with ourselves, the sooner we decide to get to the root of our frustrations, the sooner we move on, grow, and hate ourselves a little less.

I understand I have not shared anything new with you here, but I am a big believer that sometimes we need to hear and read and feel the same thing over and over to finally give it enter.

I hope this read adds to your pile! I hope it overflows and spills everywhere and you make a damn mess and roll in it and cry like a baby and laugh like a child and that you love yourself for it.

You are loved, you are wonderful, you are flawed, big deal, don't feel so special, now go outside or something, hug a tree, or stretch, move that energy around, dance, feel everything deeply, good bad and all of it in between, just let's pay attention, and act responsibly. We all say we want a better world, and we want to be better people, well, we should all start taking responsibility for our actions and our feelings. Our only real job is to sculpt ourselves into the most loving, accepting, and creative versions of ourselves we can be. If we do not excel at this job, this mission, this creative life force need we all want to fulfill, we let other people carry our emotions and frustrations, we send toxic and negative vibes out into the clouds, and guess what, that stuff rains right back down to us, they water our scalp and more toxic waste oozes out of our ears.

You don't think that's were I am gonna leave you do you!?!

I know life is hard, and it sucks sometimes. I am recovering from a car accident from a year ago, I have metal in my hip and ankle, I have crazy PTSD, my family is falling apart, I was recently broken up with, I am funemployed (hence the free time to blog) I am sure you are dealing with so much stuff right now as well! But we also have some good, there is always some light. I am mostly healthy, I have some really solid wonderful creative beings who support and love me, I have a roof, food, a bed, I am learning to love myself more than ever before by acting logically, by not justifying or excusing my useless habits, by wanting to send rainbows and unicorns into the multiverse so they can sparkle down on me when I need some stardust to remind me of my fire, and those flames to remind me that hating myself sometimes, is a pattern I need to kick, but it does not completely overrule the love I feel for myself, the love that has always been there, the love that no one told me about, because it is innate to all of us to love ourselves.

We are all reflexions of each other, we are all the same, we are nature, we are good, we are loved, WE ARE LOVE.

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